Our Sixteenth Madlib/Spoof: Beautiful Ham

Ham is my friend,
it is there till the end.
Don't smash my ham,
or I'll cook you in a clam.
In a stew or a soup,
it never tastes like poop.
On a girl or alone,
ham is hairier than a phone.
Never talk about my ham,
or in a ugly man you will be slammed.
Do not even poop upon it,
or I will shoot you in an armpit.
So my friends, you should see,
Ham is all we ever need.
To digest, steal, and love,
Ham was sent from up above.

So don't cook it!!!